Now people think c sections are the easy way out. People say you’ve not really given birth. But I had, just not the natural way. I gave birth the way that was the safest for both me and my baby boy. The first few days were painful, moving around was so uncomfortable I couldn’t sleep because my scar was so painful. Then there were the thoughts.....
I used to think what sort of mother am I? I couldn’t even give birth to my son properly! I’ve failed myself! I’ve let myself down. Then when Charlie was 3 months old my dad died. The reason I’m mentioning this is because not only was I dealing with the mental aspects of having a c-section but I also then had the grief of loosing my father to add to it.
People often ask how are you coping? Are you ok? They say "you’re so strong!" "you’re brave!" But honestly some days I’m not! Some days I’m barely getting by. I make sure Charlie's fed, clean and clothed, and I play with him. But deep inside I’m hurting so bad.
How does a girl go from gaining one of the most beautiful precious things in her life to then losing her first ever love? It’s all about talking, I talk to people on Instagram, I talk to my fiancé, my friends, my family......and finally I’ve spoken to my doctor.
Don’t keep your thoughts and emotions locked away. Go and ask for help. It doesn’t make you any less of a mum. No ones going to look down on you. If anything you’re even braver than everyone thought!