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What type of Mum are you? - Carrie Vickery-Clark


A few days ago I saw a post which a friend shared on Facebook. It really upset me.


Now the post was not of injured animals or a censored post. It was simply asking in a jokey way, what type of Mum are you? It listed 7 types of Mum. From the Hippy Mum to the Social Mum, it listed different ‘types’ and characteristics. You have probably seen the very post.


So why did this seemingly innocent post make me upset?  So upset I remember it 5 days later. Well I didn’t fit into any of the categories, which made me worry. My immediate thought was how do I fit into one of these categories, after all if I am not listed surely I am not a good Mum. I know these are all crazy thoughts, but it got me thinking.


I am the first to admit that I am oversensitive. But I do think the post reflects one of the challenges a modern Mum faces. After all sixty years ago I don’t think Mums were worried about being categorised. Nowadays we are really quick to judge, and we are really quick to label.


There are so many labels attached to a Mum including:

  • Hippy Mum
  • Earth Mum
  • Stay at Home Mum
  • Working Mum
  • Soccer Mum
  • Fussy Mum
  • Social Mum
  • Mumpreneur
  • Single Mum
  • Pushy Mum

The list goes on.


I categorise Mums subconsciously and I guess we all do. Yet I never stop to consider why I do it, and what impact it has on us as Mums. Maybe it is to build groups, to make connections in such a silent world, or is it to judge us?  To add yet more pressure. Let’s face it modern motherhood is hard. We are entering a world of the unknown - we are the first generation of Mums whose babies have grown up knowing the internet. Although this opens up thousands of opportunities, managing this in someone's life is a huge bewildering task.

Personally the more I think about it, the more I realise the categories just add to the guilt. And guilt is something that lands with us somewhere between finding out you are pregnant and holding your newborn in your arms for the first time. Worry and guilt seem to be hand in hand with a child. I have not yet met a Mum who does not feel guilt.


In the last 24 hours alone I have felt guilty about

  • Working
  • Not earning enough
  • What I am cooking for Robert’s tea
  • The fact Robert watched a little too much TV today
  • Cleaning the house when I should be playing with him
  • Saying no to Robert (bless the tantrum twos!)
  • Not saying no enough

And these are just a drop in the desert compared to the guilt I have felt throughout the two and half years since Robert was born. From feeling guilty about using a bottle - despite the undiagnosed tongue tie, to letting him have a dummy.


I’m laying out my guilt, not because I want sympathy. But to show you it is something we all feel. Guilt is OK. Maybe it goes back to our ancestors keeping a floundering newborn alive in their uncertain world. Or maybe it is just something that develops more with every generation as we are given more opportunities and challenges to face.


Whatever the reason Mum, don’t beat yourself up about feeling guilty. You are doing an amazing job. No matter your ‘Mum type’ it doesn’t matter if you breastfeed, if you bottle feed, if you work, if you stay at home, if you stay up till 1am to get a little peace.


Don’t worry and embrace the guilt - it means you want to do your best. You are doing your best.


Just promise me you will not let the guilt ruin those precious moments watching this amazing new human experience the world. This is the time to enjoy and not succumb to guilt.


Talking of guilt I am now off to eat that last chocolate biscuit before Robert sees it tomorrow. P.S. To the I want it all Mums, you have it all when your baby wraps their arm around you!


Author: Carrie Vickery-Clark of Carrie VC/Golden Treasure Consultancy. Helping business owners reach their dreams through the magic of marketing.