That's how quickly things changed for me and I wouldn't have it any other way.....at least that's what most people would have you believe. Truth be told, there are times when I would have it a different way. If I went back in time, I'd still be where I am now. I don't regret having my children, they made me a better person and I know I am incredibly lucky to be able to have two wonderful (some of the time) children, but every once in a while it really does make you question everything, and I have questioned why on earth I chose to have kids on several occasions.
Someone asked me "where would you be without your kids".......easy to answer - I'd be travelling around the world. I know that because that's what I planned to do before I had a baby, I wanted to see the world........but now I'm my children's world and I'm more than ok with that.......but, being a mum is sometimes extremely hard. And you know what makes it harder? Having to justify yourself and your parenting to others, but the truth is, you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. The secret is; they are my children and I will parent them how I want. I will raise them how I choose and I will teach them what I decide, and if I want to moan about my children I damn well will because parenting is hard!
It doesn't matter if I chose to have a baby, it doesn't matter that people think I should be grateful for every day, what matters is that this is my life and I will be the mum I want to be, not who society expects me to be. So surround yourself with positive and supportive people.
It is true, my life is richer and happier since I had children, but my life is also a lot harder and messier since I had children. There is no shame in admitting you don't like being a parent sometimes, because I don't always enjoy it, I don't always like it, I would even go as far to say that some days I hate it. But that is ok. Does it mean I love my children any less?
God no, but it does mean I don't always want to be covered in baby sick and I don't want to "cherish every moment" and I don't want to be woken up every day at 5am. My point is, it's ok to hate it, it's ok to not always enjoy being a parent and it's more than ok to say "fuck this shit" more than once a day, it's ok to moan from time to time. I'm not perfect, motherhood isn't perfect, my children aren't (always) perfect, but maybe being imperfect is the kind of "perfect" I want.
Where would I be if I didn't have kids? No idea, because I do have kids, but it doesn't mean I have to stop fantasising about what my life would be like without children, and thinking about the possibility of Jason Mamoa whisking me off to a secluded location and feeding me chocolate every time my son has a tantrum!